Monday, May 10, 2021

Fear in hindsight

It was about a year ago (now a few years later). I wrote about the details of your mom telling me she was pregnant, how I didn’t believe her, and my rules that I believe will help you in life become a great man.

What I didn’t write about was the doubts, fears, and self-delusions that would occur after you were born.

You see, in life, everything we anticipate to happen doesn't. Everything we expect falls short.

The good news is, we can refocus and reimagine what we want. Every day.

The largest doubt, that everyone in my position can share, is in my ability as a parent and in that ability to help you. From getting you dressed and fed for the day, to prepare for tomorrow and beyond, the greatest doubt I can share with you at this point is in my, our, own abilities to help you.

Somehow our species has survived. Up to this point, of course. But survived we have.

Fear is usually a by-product of the unknown. Fear of how life will be in the future. Fear of not knowing what that knocking sound is in the middle of a rainy, wintery night. It could be fear based on our limitations, like in basketball being the size of a 6-foot point guard playing against 7-foot centers. The key is finding what you do better than those others, and negating what they do well against you.

We will spend our lives, up until the day we die,  telling little lies to ourselves. Things WILL get better, I will become a professional athlete, singer, actor, businessman, etc. Truth is, we are what we do every day. Wake up, drink some coffee, go to work, daydream of a better situation, come home, eat, sleep, entertain, repeat. Reality is that we wake up, go to work, come home. In other words, we exist. Everything else is superfluous fluff. 

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