Showing posts with label self help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self help. Show all posts

Saturday, March 12, 2016

In Retrospect - How We Understand By Looking Backward

Just Look At How Far We've Come! 

How to look backward to mark your progress moving forward.



Anytime we set out on a new journey, one that we value but greatly underestimate the commitment it's going to take, and how we measure success, can be difficult.  How we set out to achieve goals and goal setting is both enthralling and fraught with peril at the same time.

The footing on our new path can be treacherous, slick and unsure.

I'm watching a new Netflix show called "Flaked" with Will Arnett. Based in Venice, it's about a drunk who drove under the influence and ended up killing someone and is working to amend the past.

There's a great opening quote:

"Life must be lived forward but can only be understood backwards"

Or in my own paraphrase; "we stare forward and only in the past can we see."

Take it for what it is. But the point is that in retrospect we have a much better idea of what we did.

Let's put this in another way, once I dated an incredible woman. Smart, engaging, social, she also said something about how we reflect on things in our past and are able see them more clearly. She worked with clients on goal setting, accomplishment and success.  She was a business and life coach by trade, and a caring woman by nature.

She claimed that while we're in the moment of living we can't see our destination. It's too hard to see the forest for the trees.

But if we think about it like sailing, we leave the port and if we only focus on the outcome, we fail to see how far we've truly come.  By looking backward from where we left, can we really see how far it is we've come on our journey.

Anytime we set out on a new journey, we need to stay focused on the steps we need to take to accomplish our goal, but only by reflecting on the progress we've made do we really understand the layers of our successes.

Oh and my review of "Flaked" - a little serious, a little dramatic but in the first episode it misses on making any real connection with the audience. Truthfully though, I can watch anything that has Will Arnett and will give the series a few more chances.

After that I'll have a better idea of what the show is working toward thematically.

In retrospect we see.

Monday, January 11, 2016

My Kindle Publishing Lesson: Beg, Borrow and Steal Your Way To Becoming A Better Writer

Finding Your Ideal Reader And Developing A More Confident Voice In Your Writing


If you're like me, doing something you love can be the greatest thing in the world.

When I started my Kindle Publishing Journey, I didn't know what I didn't know.  I've learned a ton over the 6 months I've been writing and self-publishing.

But one thing I do know and have learned along the way is that passion alone, while great, won't suffice. It's like eating a chocolate only diet.  It may sound delicious and you may salivate just thinking about it, but all it will do is constipate you until your clogged arteries make your heart explode.

But doing something you love is also incredibly rewarding.

It could be surfing that really stokes you.

Or perhaps running in the early morning hours is what you find the greatest of thrills.

For some who are more like myself, getting lost in writing is exhilarating.  I can lose track of hours without even knowing that the sun has set for the night.

Like stumbling through a dark, misty forest unsure of what lies in the dense woods is what it's like in the monolog in my head.

Seeing my words on the page is like finding a clearing in the bramble and brush, my vision is more clear, the story is more focused.

It's these moments of clarity that I see why all the images in my head scream that they needed to be written and thoughts to be shared with someone else.

All without having to say a word.

As Stephen King wrote in his "On Writing," being able to write truly is a form of ESP.  It's telepathy with the reader, a way to worm around in their heads, their thoughts, and their dreams.

But writing can also be absolutely horrible.

It's not the fear of the blank page.

No way.  I can ramble with the best of them.

For me, a blank page is like a canvas that I get to paint on.  If it's any good, I'll share it with others.

If it sucks, it's practice in colors, paint strokes and textures for the painting that I will eventually share.

It's part of the exhilaration for me.

Those are some of the important things I've learned through my Kindle Publishing experiences.

Another one?

Writing is both exhilarating and terrifying.

Especially when I re-read the words on the page and they aren't as beautifully erudite as when I heard first them in my head.

The flow of language, the momentum of the story and the way I "heard" it all in my head doesn't have the same appeal once I see it upon the page. I think of it like middle school, when I'd recite a short couple lines that I'd rehearse to say to one of the many girls I had on crush on.  Only, the next day I'd stumble and stutter those lines, more concerned with the new zit on my nose and whether they're focused on it than what I wrote the night before and was now reciting.

When my writing is bad, it's terrifying.

When I think about the readers, I wonder how much they want to choke me out, laugh at me and deride my thoughts.

 That is, if there are any.

I also worry they will see through me, and discover what I fraud I am. It's terrifying that they may find my voice stilted, unimaginative and most terrifying of all, boring.

Everyone who's ever tried their hand at writing knows these feelings.  From school to letters and creatively, it's a challenge not to feel like you're overexposed, naked in front of the cameras, standing pants-less in front of a crowd of people that are our friends.

But how do you overcome the fear of being exposed?  Of being unimportant? Of being seen as a  fraud?

The ABC's Of Developing Your Writing Skills And Finding Your Voice



  •  A) First, choose one person who you write for. They could be someone you know, someone you wish to know, or someone you create out of your imagination.  In other industries, it's called an "ideal reader."


Just like in life, you're not going to be liked by everyone equally.  Some will really like and care for you, and that's a lucky thing to have.  Others aren't going to give two shits about you.  Others still may despise you without you even knowing about it.

So creating an ideal reader is important for you to know what to say, how you should say it, and how you hope they'll receive it.  It's a lot easier to talk with a friend, one who knows you intimately and you know them than with any stranger you may try to meet and get to know.

Writing, in simple terms, is sharing ideas with an intimate friend without speaking.




  •  B) Second, gain confidence through minor accomplishments.  

Building positive habits is about micro-accomplishments.

In time, those micro-accomplishments allow you to build a foundation that you can then go on and make newer micro-accomplishments.

Think of it as running a marathon.

You have to train for it, but you want to take those strides in micro-phases.  That is, you run aspects of the marathon, building your endurance and stamina over time.  But you also focus on the little things, like your step, making sure you run heel-to-toe.  You work on lengthening your stride, especially when tired. But every step is one more in building a better way to run a marathon for you.

Taken together, your strategy, training and technique, you will form a number of micro-accomplishments that, in time, prepares you to run a full marathon.

Not that I've ever attempted to run a marathon.

It sounds like a horrible experience to me, but then again, I can't run.

Not because of any particular disability, just when I run I look like a gazelle jumping on hooves while their legs recoil underneath their body in a circular, disjointed motion.

If anyone was running next to me, it'd look to an unsuspecting observer that I was trying to kick the person next to me on every jump I took.


  •  C) Finally, Beg, Borrow and Steal

Like most innovators, there are three main ways to gain confidence and mastery. The best way to overcome the fear of writing is easily broken into three techniques that I call Beg, Borrow, and Steal.




It's a popular notion that artists - as all writers are - are tapped into some greater universal connection.

That their ideas are floating around in their heads like a swirling, boiling cauldron of ideas. False! Another wrongful trope is that artists are inspired by a muse that only they can hear and they catch bolts of lightning.

What every artist does is looks for ideas that they can incorporate into what they're trying to say.

Andy Warhol famously borrowed from popular culture and popular advertising to make his iconic paintings.

Pablo Picasso is credited with the saying; "Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

Even famous tinkerers in history like Thomas Edison knew this truth - his inventions took gleefully from the thoughts, research, and design of a man named Nikola Tesla.


  1. Beg An Expert: If writing is scary for you, think about ways you can get information from another source, preferably someone in that genre that you respect. It could be a friend who's already doing what you want to accomplish, or someone that is so far ahead of the game it's a dream interview. Ask them until they acquiesce - Twitter is a great, easy gateway to find experts you want to connect with. Ask to the point of bothering them.  Beg them for an interview about how they wrote their piece, their story, their book.  For most of them, they were once in your shoes as well.  It will offer some helpful insight and motivation to keep you on track.
  2. Borrow From The Chef: Borrow from a well-thought idea.  Develop the thought as your own and write it down.  Like watching a cooking show and trying to recreate the menu, borrow what you like, but embellish it with your own spices. What was it that impressed you, and how would you explain it to your ideal reader?
  3. Steal From The Master: Steal from the experts. Don't get me wrong here.  I am not advocating stealing someone else's words; that's plagiarism, and it can get you in a world of trouble, from legal and otherwise.  But steal the idea then develop it in a way that only you could, and in a way that makes sense to your ideal reader.


Remember, there's nothing new under the sun.

There have been billions of people who have lived on this Earth,  all with dissimilar backgrounds from you but with similar thoughts, fears, hopes, and dreams.  That means that there's nothing new that can be written, rather, just how you write that is unique to you.

So go ahead, steal the plot line from your favorite movie or book.  Develop the story telling and characters in your way and you'll have a unique story to share and call your own.  In my own Kindle Publishing adventure, I've stumbled upon all of these areas.

So if you struggle with your writing, or confidence in doing anything new, just beg for the knowledge from an expert, borrow an idea or whole-heartedly steal the idea and make it your own.

Just change the names to protect the innocent and guilty.


Thursday, October 29, 2015

5 Common Sense Ways To Improve Your Health And Increase Your Productivity That You Can Start Today

5 Simple Things You Can Do To Improve Your Life Today


There are countless things you can do to improve your life.  From getting more sleep, to eating better, to changing jobs and lowering debt.

Improving your life will make you happier, healthier and more productive.

If those are things that interest you, keep reading.

5 Common Sense Things You Can Do To Improve Your Well Being Today


1) Get More Sleep:


According to the National Institute of Health, the average American adult gets less than 7 hours of sleep a night.  The cause for this is numerous, from an imbalance of work/life to heavy meals at dinner time, caffeine after 4 pm, family demands, but for most it's simply entertainment, television and social media.

The recommended daily amount for a fully grown adult is in the window of 7-9 hours per night for optimal rest and recovery.

Some of the major benefits of sleeping properly are:

  • Improved Memory
  • Sharpened Attention and Focus
  • Improved Overall Health and Wellbeing
  • Increase Creativity and Productivity
  • Fight Infection and Inflammation
  • Lower Stress Levels


CLICK HERE FOR NATIONAL SLEEP FOUNDATION SLEEP RECOMMENDATIONS

So ask yourself, how important is that next episode of The Bachelorette or South Park?


2) Exercise Daily:

Along with sleeping more, there's a correlation with exercise and improved health. That's a no-brainer.  But exercise, any exercise can help reduce overall stress levels as well as burn off excess calories.  A bonus is that daily exercise helps regulate a normal sleep pattern.

It doesn't have to be a major undertaking.  It's better to do some form of interval or variable training in the beginning.  In other words, start slowly and build your endurance and strength over time. For example, run for a couple minutes, and then intersperse that with a long walk, then another short run, and repeat.



3) Eat Healthier and Drink More Water:

Our bodies are made of over 70% water, so replenishing our most important element is also a no-brainer.  But with our busy, go-go culture we're constantly consuming more calories than necessary.

The positive effects of water can help in the body's ability to regenerate and heal itself; adds in sleep balance; decreases stress levels; can aid in digestion and caloric intake, as well as make you look and feel younger.

From processed foods with added salt, additives and preservatives to sugary drinks like sodas and caffeine or other stimulants, we are constantly depleting our water reserves.

The recommended daily dose is 8 glasses of 8 oz. of water a day.  That works out to a half gallon of water per day for the average adult, but should possibly be increased depending on your diet and activity levels.


4) Organize Your Tasks:



Knowing what tasks are important and the order in which they should be undertaken is one of the most efficient tactics we can undertake.  For example, if you have a deadline for two different projects, knowing which one to start with and which one to finish can be of utmost importance.

In The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People, Forbes magazine points out that one of the key takeaways is to think things through, focus on doing the right things first in the proper order then focus on less important tasks.  

Read More About The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People By Getting The Book From Amazon


5) Take Time To Relax:

If you were to go run like Forrest Gump in the iconic image from the movie, you'd die of exhaustion before you ever got where it was you were trying to go.  Even if as Forrest said, "...so I went running," you would still need a time period to recover.

We know we can't workout for ever, that much is obvious.  We know we need to rest and recuperate.  So why do we refuse to take some time for ourselves to just relax and let our thoughts come to us as they will?

Taking time to relax in most societies outside the U.S. is actually mandated by terms of employment. Where as most employers offer 2 weeks or less of paid vacation, check out some of the leaders in time off:

  • Australia offers 28 days of paid vacation per average
  • Belgians typically have 30 days paid vacation
  • Italy and France typically offer 31 days of paid time off
  • Spain, Portugal and Germany offer 34-35 days of paid vacation time

Time off will help you recharge, recuperate and reenergize your self, your body and your mind.